Introverts and extroverts: who really wins the first impression?
Neither. Introverts and extroverts both make excellent first impressions, because what people respond to is not volume but how clearly you show who you are. Most of us sit somewhere between the two anyway. Know where you land on the scale for each occasion, then prepare for the moments that drain you.
Walking into a room full of people: overwhelmed or energized? And do you sometimes wish you were a little more introverted, or just a tiny bit more extroverted?
I know. The grass is always greener on the other side. “I would make a better first impression if I were more outgoing.” Or the opposite: “if I were quieter.” We want what we do not have. So before any tips, two things I want you to know.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- There is no better or worse personality type for first impressions. Being yourself wins.
- Most people are not purely introverted or extroverted. They move along a scale depending on the occasion.
- Know where you sit on that scale, and personality assessments can help.
- Connecting online first, picking your targets and preparing what you stand for take the pressure off.
- Body language, voice and one word you want to be known for keep your nerves in check.
Introverts and extroverts: is one better at first impressions?
First: there is no better or worse when it comes to being yourself. Full stop.
Second: a cookie-cutter approach does not work here. It rarely works anywhere. You cannot sort human beings into just two boxes. Most of us show qualities of both and land somewhere in between.
Take me. As a professional speaker, I enjoy being on stage in front of thousands of people. I love the spotlight and handle meet-and-greets like a pro. Certain strengths in my profile make that possible, and people certainly read someone with those traits as an extrovert. The reality? Once the spotlight is off, many of us “stage people” swing all the way to the other end of the scale. We feel exhausted by the crowd and need quiet time to relax, recover and refocus.
Instead of looking at what you are not, figure out what you are, and where you are on the scale for the occasion in front of you.
How do you find out where you are on the scale?
Plenty of assessments can help, including the one I developed:
- Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
- Enneagram
- DISC profile
- SAPA Project
- How to Fascinate
- The Perception Audit
With that awareness comes an understanding of the messages you send in the first micro-moments after you walk into a room. And if you find yourself more on the introverted side in those situations, these five tips are for you.
5 first impression tips for introverts
1. Connect online first
One way to boost your confidence and lower your anxiety is to meet new people screen to screen before you meet face to face, through social media or email. Some of us are simply braver behind a screen. It breaks the ice and makes the in-person conversation much easier.
This works especially well before events and conferences. Find out who is attending, connect on LinkedIn and introduce yourself, or send a friendly email saying you look forward to meeting. You can pick out a few interesting people you definitely have something in common with. Pleasant side effect: they may recognize you in the room and start the conversation themselves.
Fair warning: make sure your digital footprint works for you. Think about what your profiles say, because people who found you online will bring that picture into the room.
2. Pick your targets
You do not need to connect with everybody. Be strategic, and decide who exactly you want to meet at the event. You spend your energy where it counts and leave each conversation less drained.
3. Memorize a script
Have an internal script for what you want to talk about and how you will open a conversation. I do not mean your name, title and employer. I mean who you are and what you stand for: the strengths and superpowers you need to share. We often assume it is the other person’s job to discover how amazing we are. It is not. You need to be able to talk about yourself. If that makes you squirm, read how to position your achievements without bragging.
4. Control your body
Train the verbal and nonverbal signals you send as well as you can. Train your eyes to hold contact. Train your body to stand confidently and openly, without crossed arms or a slouch. Train your voice to sound strong and confident from the first word.
5. Trick your brain
An exercise I like to use with audiences: think of one word you want to be known for. As you approach a group, keep repeating it to yourself. Strong, strong, strong, strong. It interrupts the negative thought patterns that make you retreat and get nervous. I go deeper into this exercise in my post on negative self-talk.
Discover Your Fair Advantage
Quiet people often wait for others to discover how good they are. In Discover Your Fair Advantage, I show you how to name your strengths and talk about them with confidence, without ever sounding like the loudest person in the room.
Frequently asked questions
Do introverts make worse first impressions than extroverts?
No. People respond to authenticity, warmth and clarity, not to how loud or outgoing you are. A calm, attentive introvert who holds eye contact and knows what they stand for leaves a strong impression. Trying to act like someone you are not is what really hurts a first impression.
Can you be both an introvert and an extrovert?
Yes. Most people are not purely one or the other but sit somewhere on a scale, and their position shifts with the situation. Many speakers, for example, love the stage and the crowd, then need quiet time to recover afterwards. Knowing where you sit for each occasion matters more than a label.
How can introverts network at events without feeling drained?
Connect with attendees online before the event, decide in advance which few people you really want to meet, and prepare how you will open a conversation and what you want to be known for. Fewer, deeper conversations cost less energy than trying to meet everyone.
What is the one-word exercise for confidence?
Choose one word you want people to associate with you, such as “strong.” Repeat it in your head as you walk into a room or approach a group. It interrupts negative thoughts and reminds your body how you want to come across, which shows in your posture and voice.
